When I reviewed the quite appalling Angels in the Outfield I made a mention of there being a number of films screened during my time as a projectionist that I wouldn't enjoy re-watching, and looking through the list I've compiled it seems that they're mostly kids films.
And so, when my son spotted Macaulay Culkin's last film as a child star, Richie Rich (or Ri¢hie Ri¢h, to give it its official name) on Netflix, and asked that we watch it, recognising it as one of the films on the list, it was with a heavy heart that I agreed.
In all honesty though, it's not nearly as bad as I remember it. Admittedly, as with most of the films screened during my time as a projectionist, I only saw snippets when I attended to focusing duties in the projection booth, but I recall not loitering around to watch any more than was absolutely necessary.
Based on a long-running comic, that I don't recall ever seeing in the UK, the film begins with the opening of a bank vault (and closes with the closing of a bank vault, for those that hang around long enough to see it), to drive home the point that he's Rich by name, and rich by birth. We then have a brief introduction of the character, via voiceover, supplied by the Rich family's butler, Cadbury, played by Hollywood's perpetual stiff-upper lipped Brit, Jonathan Hyde (whom I've just discovered is not an Englishman, but an Australian).
Cadbury explains, over shots of Richie's birth, early childhood etc. that Richie was born the wealthiest baby in the world. His toys are all gold, he lives in a stately home, has anything & everything he could possibly hope for.
So far, so Trump.
However, Richie's parents dote on him & each other, so our hero is unlikely to grow up into a narcissistic pastiche of a Bond villain with sociopathic disorders.
Richie's dad, Richard, played by Edward Herrmann, in much the same role as he would later fill as the family patriarch in the long-running TV show The Gilmore Girls, is a loving father & a philanthropist, who spends as much time as he can with his son. It's here that we briefly see Macaulay's brother Rory Culkin in the role, playing the younger Richie.
Richard & Richie are fond of playing baseball together, but Richard's business often takes him away, and so, when we finally meet the elder Culkin brother in the role, he's playing baseball with a group of professional players, whom I suppose we're meant to recognise (imdb tells me that the coach is Reggie Jackson, a baseball Hall of Famer).
As with Angels in the Outfield, there are a number of baseball references in this film that I, and I guess many others in a UK audience at the time, would fail to appreciate. However, even I know that runs are scored in baseball, something that the family's English butler failed to grasp, even though I'd assume he'd have some experience of cricket.
With his father otherwise engaged Richie is sent, by helicopter, to be the family's representative at the re-opening of a factory, United Tools, in what is implied to be a working-class part of the city. Cadbury, whom we're beginning to learn is a more visible presence in Richie's life than his parents, attends too, and catches the eye of the factory's union rep, Diane.
Richie gives his speech, which goes down well, as it would, his father has just bought the factory & kept it open, running it at a loss too, meaning the workers keep their jobs while the company attempts to revive its fortunes. Rich Sr is that kind of guy, why can't more billionaires be like this? Or like Bruce Wayne?
Before Richie & his entourage leave he spots a group of kids playing baseball nearby and walks over to join them. In case it hasn't been driven home by Cadbury's exposition already, Richie has everything he could want, but friends.
Richie's security detail, Ferguson, grabs him to prevent him from getting too near to the kids, much to Cadbury's disapproval.
We see here the first of a few McDonald's product placements, as one of the baseball-playing group munches on a packet of fries as they discuss how Richie may have everything, but seems lonely.
Back home and Richie's mother Regina (played by stage actress Christine Ebersole) is overseeing the construction of Mount Richmore, a huge Rushmore-like sculpture of the family being carved into a nearby mountain by an artist with a giant laser. Richie asks Regina if he can have some friends visit, which she takes to mean having to organise a dinner party, while Richie just wants to "hang".
Richie is then taken for his science lesson with Rich Corporation's chief scientist Professor Keenbean. In a strange piece of casting Keenbean is played by American actor Michael McShane, a relative unknown in the US, but well known to UK audiences, especially at that time, as he was a familiar face on UK TV, and a regular contestant on the improv TV show Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Now, you know how, in the Bond movies, whenever Bond visits Q, pretty much everything he's shown comes in useful at some later stage of the film? So it is here.
Keenbean shows Richie his new creations: a Sub-Atomic Molecular Re-Organizer that changes trash to useful products, a powerful glue named Cementia, a spray that makes clothes bulletproof, and a tiny robotic bee. Later Keenbean will introduce the Smell Master 9000, a device for enhancing & recognising scents.
Remember these, they'll all become relevant later.
Later that night one of the Rich Corporation executives arrives at the family home for dinner: Van Dough (John Larroquette). It's clear that he's an unpleasant character, as he sacks his driver for parking the car near a puddle and mutters conspiratorially with Ferguson, the heavy-handed security man from earlier.
Over dinner Van Dough asks Richie's parents why they make so many substantial donations to charity, which angers Regina. Richard also explains his plan for United Tools, to improve the company, then hand it back to the workers for them to own & run. Van Dough is horrified, but his mood improves, and eyes light up, when Richard mentions his vault, containing the family's most prized treasures.
The next morning Richie is woken and informed by Cadbury that it's time for his exercise class, which Richie is reluctant to do. That is, until he learns that his usual trainer, "Arnold" is not available, and has been replaced by Claudia Schiffer. As she walks in Macaulay Culkin breaks the fourth wall and looks directly into the camera with a smirk that veers towards a leer. There then follows the film's most bizarre scene, as Claudia leads Richie & Cadbury in an aerobics class, while the pair ogle her from behind and exchange sideways glances as she bends over. I'm sure Richie's behaviour is exactly what one would expect from a 14 year old (Culkin's age at the time), but there's something not quite right seeing him & Hyde (then in his mid 40s) conspiring to ogle a girl in her early 20s.
After aerobics Richie powers up another Keenbean's devices, the DadLink, a huge computer that locates and provides access to Richard whenever he's not home. The DadLink reports that Richard is at the White House, where we see him advising the President on economic policy (as if! Oh, wait...).
Richie and his father have a brief video call. The point of this scene is to introduce the DadLink. As with Keenbean's other inventions, this will be relevant later.
To be honest, having now watched two kids films from this era, I find this method to be far preferable to the constant exposition that Angels in the Outfield employed.
Richie is taken to school, a huge stately home-style building where every child is dropped off by a Bentley or Rolls-Royce. Richie and his schoolmates are being taught by Ben Stein, the infamous "Bueller...? Bueller...?" teacher. Today's lesson is business, but not a typical lesson:
"Let's move on to case study #12: Your company is in dire straits. Sales are down 50% due to stiff price competition. Dividends are falling. Stockholders are demanding that you step down as chairman of the board. Now, here's your problem: How do you rally the board of directors to your side AND stave off impending bankruptcy?"
Richie's classmates are all very adult-like in their mannerisms & responses, whereas it's made clear that Richie just wants friends of his own age. Richie's attempts during a fencing lesson to invite them to his house to "hang" fail, as all of them have other plans.
Driving home Cadbury informs Richie that he is to go to England with his parents to have tea with the Queen. Richie is upset, as, once again, he just wants to do regular "kid stuff", so tells the driver to take a right towards United Tools. This then begs the question as to why he needed to go there by helicopter earlier, when it's a short diversion from his route to school?
Richie spots the group of kids from earlier, and makes a bet that he can hit a ball pitched by the group's leader, a redheaded girl named Gloria, also the daughter of the Diane, the union official that flirted with Cadbury.
It was my son that pointed out that these kids are wearing the same outfits they had on in their first scene. They're either really poor, or maybe the the two scenes were filmed back-to-back.
Richie wins the bet by hitting the ball so far it smashes a window in the factory. But, I suppose he can get away with that, his dad does own the factory...
The group of kids give Richie their money, which, of course, he doesn't want; he just wants to play with them. They get angry & make him leave, which he does too, upset and with his head down.
The next day the Rich family are readying their plane to fly to England. Richie confesses to his father that he'd rather not go, and Cadbury makes the suggestion that he can stay with him, which his parents agree to.
As the plane is loaded with presents for the Queen, including the SmellMaster 9000 (which Richard suggests will take Her Majesty's mind off her children - a quip still relevant 25 years later), we see Ferguson place another parcel in amongst the gifts before leaving, not realising that Richie isn't on the plane.
Back home and Cadbury announces to Richie that he has arranged for the United Tools kids to visit, accompanied by Gloria's mother Diane. While Cadbury & Diane continue their PG-rated flirting Richie shows the kids his home, with its own McDonald's (product placement again), and they entertain themselves on quad bikes, jet skis, and the Kidapult, a giant catapult used for flinging the group onto a giant inflatable mat.
Back at Rich HQ Van Dough is arranging to move into Richard's office, while over the Atlantic the Rich parents, who are piloting the plane themselves, have found Ferguson's package. Using the SmellMaster they identify it as a bomb, and get it out of the plane, but not fast enough to prevent them crash-landing in the ocean.
Meanwhile, Richie's new friends are leaving, after a great day, when one of them lets slip that they were offered $100 each to play with Richie. Gloria tells him to forget it, as they had a good time, but Richie overhears. However, this isn't the only bad news he gets as he's told his parents have gone missing. Richie races to the DadLink, only for it to report "Dad Not Found"
Ferguson reveals to Van Dough that Richie wasn't on the plane, to which Van Dough is not concerned, "he won't be a problem" he says.
Fortunately Richard & Regina have survived the crash, and are afloat in a life raft, with some supplies, but the DadLink device is broken. Regina knows the bomb was Van Dough's doing, and tells Richard he should have got rid of him years ago. Richard makes the statement that he's never fired anyone. However, with them adrift at sea, they both realise that Richie's life may be in danger.
We're at Rich HQ again, where Van Dough is announcing to the board that they are to close United Tools (he really has it in for this small factory & its staff). When news of this reaches Gloria she calls Richie to inform him, and he immediately goes to the office with Cadbury to have a word with Van Dough. When they arrive Van Dough is having an unpleasant and potentially abusive moment with one of his secretaries, much to the displeasure of the senior secretarial staff.
Richie announces that he & Cadbury are taking over the business, and United Tools are to stay open.
Exasperated by this Van Dough and Ferguson hatch a further plot.
Meanwhile, back in the Atlantic, Richie's parents spot one of their trunks from the plane & find a lady shaver, which Richard realises he could use to fix the DadLink.
Back in the Rich boardroom the police arrive to arrest Cadbury after an anonymous tip-off has led them to discover bomb-making equipment in his quarters; Van Dough announces that he has petitioned to become Richie's guardian. He then fires all the house staff, replacing them with Ferguson's security guards, who go about installing CCTV cameras throughout the house, including Richie's room. Richie is also forbidden to attend board meetings.
Van Dough tells Ferguson of his plot to get into the vault, have Cadbury killed in prison, and for it to be made to look like suicide (a dark turn for a kids' film) while Keenbean listens from the floor below using one of his devices. Keenbean informs Richie of the plot, and hands him some corrosive paste, ideal for melting prison bars.
Richie takes the paste, disguised as toothpaste, to the prison, in a parcel for Cadbury, together with a card, with instructions for its use written in Latin.
We then see Cadbury opening his package of supplies, as a hairy biker type enters the room to kill him. Cadbury wins the ensuing, offscreen fight and, having translated the Latin note, uses the paste to disintegrate the bars & make his escape, to find Richie waiting outside.
Cadbury, now wearing the biker's clothes, and Richie, go to Gloria's house and use her computer to hack into the Dadlink at the mansion. At that precise time Richard gets the DadLink working.
Unfortunately, Ferguson's guards at the house also see this, and cut the connection before Richie can find out his parents' location. They then tell Ferguson & Van Dough, who are busying themselves torturing Keenbean in order to find out the location of the vault. Van Dough now realises he can rescue Richard & Regina, and use them to access the vault, which rather makes his entire plot to kill them & steal their money somewhat pointless.
Out at sea Richie's parents spot a rescue plane.
Later that night Richie, Cadbury, Gloria & the other kids, and, for some reason, Diane, sneak into the mansion's grounds to rescue Keenbean. Having done so Richie & Cadbury then go to the DadLink to finish trying to locate his parents, only to find the pair of them already there, having been "rescued" by Van Dough's goons. They reveal that the vault is in fact Mount Richmore, the entire mountain.
Meanwhile, outside the mansion, Diane & the kids are captured by the guards, they are then imprisoned with Richie & Cadbury in cages on a conveyor belt leading to Keenbean's Sub-Atomic Molecular Re-Organizer. Keenbean, having evaded escape, uses his Cementia & the Robobee to trap the guards, batter the hapless Ferguson, and free the kids. Richie then races to save his parents.
Richard & Regina open the vault, only for Van Dough to be disappointed with what he finds: photos, personal belongings, Richie's baby clothes etc. the things they truly value, more than their wealth - "Aw!".
Furious, Van Dough orders his guards to shoot them both, only for Richie to show up just in time. Van Dough grabs the gun and shoots Richie, except... Richie has doused his clothes in Keenbean's bulletproof spray, so is unharmed. My son, echoing a line from Dumb & Dumber, a film that will feature in a future blog, asked "What if he shot him in the face?"
Richie and his parents escape to the face/s of Mount Richmore, pursued by Van Dough & fired upon by Ferguson, now looking distinctly the worse for wear but having taken control of the sculptor's laser.
There's a neat reference to this earlier in the film, as Van Dough is seen watching North by NorthWest, which has as its climax a scene on Mount Rushmore.
In one of the film's strangest moments Ferguson blasts the nose off the giant sculpture of Regina's face, to which the real Regina sobs that it now looks "like Michael Jackson". Macauley Culkin was, infamously, a friend of Jackson's, godfather to his daughter Paris, and one of his staunchest defenders. I'm not sure if he would've approved of this line & it does make me wonder if it was added during post-production.
On the ground Cadbury finally catches up with Ferguson and lays him out, taking control of the laser to fire upon down Van Dough, who was positioning himself to shoot his gun. Van Dough finds himself hanging upside down in front of the family. Richard breaks the habits of a lifetime to tell him "You're fired!" and Regina punches him the face.
We then cut to a Little League baseball match, being played in the mansion's grounds. Richie hits a home run and is mobbed by his teammates, including his friends from United Tools, when Gloria tells him "You're alright". High praise indeed.
We learn that Cadbury & Diane are now in a relationship, as we see them kiss while watching the game, and that Regina is pregnant with a daughter.
We also see that Van Dough & Ferguson are working in the gardens, under the watchful eye of a corrections guard. I'm not sure why the pair that tried to murder the entire family & steal their fortune are permitted to then re-visit the family home as a punishment. I couldn't help think that a better ending would've been for the Rich family to speed past them in a limo as they worked cleaning up a stretch of a freeway.
And that's the end, the vault closes, the credits roll, and Macauley Culkin, then the world's biggest (and, appropriately, richest) child star, goes on hiatus for nine years.
As mentioned earlier, Richie Rich is nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. My own son is probably a little older than the target audience, but he enjoyed the gadgets, the visual gags about money, and I have to say, it's actually quite pleasant to see a film in which a billionaire is a decent human-being, with some uncharacteristically Socialist principles, i.e. wanting to build up a struggling company then hand it back to the workers, unlikely though that it may be in real life.
Culkin himself is relatively likeable in the role, but gives an incredibly wooden performance. Knowing that he stopped filming soon after completing this film, it does make me wonder if something went on to cause him to quit, and that perhaps he was contracted to do this one last film before he did. At many times in the film he just seems to be going through the motions, his acting is one-dimensional & he doesn't seem to be enjoying himself. Perhaps it's the perfect role for him in many respects, as Richie's lonely existence maybe had similarities to his own?
However, if you've kids to entertain then you could go worse than sticking on this film on a wet afternoon. It's no classic, but certainly not Culkin's worse - probably not a quote they'd want to use for the poster.
Fin
